The 142nd death.

[Text by Priyanka Haldipur; photo by Gautam Sabba]

Priyanka Haldipur, a corporate communications professional by day, and Jar Jar Binks by night, passed on a somewhat drizzly June morning. She died of cardiac arrest after reading a Facebook status update written entirely in a series of phone text messages. She is survived by a loving husband, tomato plants on the verge of bearing fruit, copious amounts of American ‘chapsy’ in the fridge, and a half-used tube of Himalaya toothpaste.

Priyanka was greatly admired by her friends for her ability to consume four pieces of sohan papdi at a stretch, and sketch Picasso’s The Dog flawlessly even after four glasses of sauvignon blanc. Four, it seems, was her lucky number. She loved people who didn’t shake hands when they had the sniffles, and hated people who did. Priyanka led a fulfilling life marked by not knowing any of her neighbours, only the smells that came from their kitchens. She owed her sanity to free-ranging urban dogs, Ruby Woo, and the mesomorphic ficus in her balcony.

Priyanka had expressed a desire for a sea burial in her favourite pair of faded jeans and sushi-print sweatshirt, the true-blue Piscean that she was. Her last words would most likely have been, “Veg biryani is a lie.”

Our Self-Written Obituaries invites people to write their obituary in 200 words. The idea is to share with the world how you will like to be remembered after you are gone. (May you live a long life, of course!) Please mail me your self-obit at mayankaustensoofi@gmail.com.

Priyanka Haldipur