Debris of Life & Mind – Journalism Student Madhuraj’s Dream, Lakshmi Nagar, Delhi

Sharing a dream.

[Text by Madhuraj, photo by Mayank Austen Soofi]

I am walking on a lonely path and you pass me by
You’re walking with your friends and there are some smiles
I reach home, I check my phone, and there are new messages
I throw my bag and sit on the chair, oh it’s you on my whatsapp
You’ve written to me that for realising something, it took you a little time
You like me and you can say it out loud, there are emojis and some lines
I don’t believe, I burst into tears, I am crying for a little long
I reply with ‘I like you too’ and a heart emoji instead of saying love

I fall asleep, I wake up, and the next day I go to college
I’m running low on attendance, and it very much is in my knowledge
Our names are being listed and the principal is calling us shame
When we’re about to leave, on the attendance sheet you sign under my name

When the teachers object, I tell them it needed correction and you were just fixing that
Maybe one day you’ll come in my life to fix everything, I’m thinking in my head

When we come out, you pull my hand to walk together, I look at you and you insist
I whisper to myself, what so beautiful on earth have I done, to be treated like this

We pass by your friends, you don’t care, you tell me you’re here for me
If this isn’t the most meaningful moment of my existence, what else is there to be

We walk down a road from my memories and I ask what you think of us
I’m afraid I’ll ruin it like the writer in that song by saying something stupid like love
You look ahead, maybe you’re a little sad, and then you look at me
You tell me you’re not seeing anyone, and maybe it’s how the things should be
We’re walking together, we’re holding hands and I feel your palm on my palm
I’m happy and content, I want nothing more, the universe seems so calm

My hopes are no high, but I ask anyway if we can be really good friends
You look at me and you smile like what I’m saying isn’t already the case
I say yes it is but we should spend some time together every once in a while
I wish everyday we could walk together and I could see you smile

I look at you, you look confused and sad and you’re looking around for your friends,
Maybe I did something that triggered you, what a selfish fool I am
Then I try to comfort you, I ask you please don’t mind
I try to gently press your hand, I say let’s leave it all behind
It seems to be working, you don’t leave my hand, and now you look calm
I ask you if you want to go home, you say we can spend together some time.

You ask me if I want to eat something, I say let’s go to the green tea cafe
You look at me with surprise, you smile again and finally you’re a little laughing
We head towards the green tea cafe and we pass by my friends
We’re a little awkward and you ask if we want to keep holding each other’s hands
I say it’s fine, and I won’t let you go, I could walk like this for miles
You look at me surprisedly and I see you while you smile

We are out of the campus, walking on the main road, I don’t remember leaving each other’s hands
I see you going ahead through traffic, I am afraid, what’s happening I don’t understand
You are far ahead, but something occurs to you, and then you return to me.
I keep thinking about all the forces of nature that science cannot see

I wake up on my bed, I feel like crying, oh how cruel is my brain,
When I think I won’t think about you, it shows me this dream only then
I don’t want to think of the possibilities, but this pain feels so true
Hopes and dreams maybe irrelevant, but the pain is all I’ve achieved of you
I’ll stick it to my heart and sing a melancholic song whenever I cannot sleep,
It’ll radiate me along, like the winds of the sun, or waves into the beach.

Madhuraj, 23, Delhi